Mischief Managed
by FluffyPizzaPie
Summary: Collection of all the pranks I couldn't fit into the storyline of 'Fixit' and 'Guardian Devil.' Because we all know Fixit's pulled way more pranks than are written into said stories.
1. Star Wars

Star Wars Duel

* * *

><p>"Steve! SteveSteveSteveSteveSteveSteveSteveSteve-"<p>

"What."

Fixit beamed at him.

"No."

"But you don't even know-"

"No."

"But you-"

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"Steve-"

"No."

"I don't-"

"No."

"Please!"

"…"

"…"

"…no."

"Steve!"

* * *

><p>"…remind me why I agreed to this again?"<p>

"You didn't. I blackmailed you."

"Ah."

"Okay, now, put this on!"

"…"

"…"

"…where the frag did you find this much brown fabric?"

"Steve?"

"…yes?"

"Just put it on."

"…yes sir."

* * *

><p>"…that's…a lot of face paint, sir."<p>

"Yes. Yes it is."

* * *

><p>"And now, the <em>piece de resistance!"<em>

Steve shrieked in horror.

"What?"

"What the frag, sir!? How did you-!?"

"I walked in and took it."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…don't worry, I'll put it back after my shift."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Steve?"

"…I give up."

"Yes! This is going to be the one of the most awesome epic things in the history of awesomeness!"

* * *

><p>Fixit bounced onto the bridge for her night shift supervising Roombas.<p>

The Vehicons on duty did a double take. What the frag?!

"Don't mind me," she proclaimed cheerfully from under her dark hood. "I'm just preemptively staving off boredom. Now then-"

She swung round with a dramatic swirl of her cloak, pulling the Dark Star Saber off her back and pointing it at the entrance to the bridge.

"Show your face, you cowardly Hutt!"

"…"

"Steve, that's your cue!" she hissed, holding her pose even as her arm started to tremble from the effort of holding up the massive sword.

"…"

"Steve. Squirrels."

There came a deep, heavy vent, and Steve moved into view, dressed in a Jedi robe and carrying a fake glowing Star Saber.

"Your foul plan shall not succeed Darth Fixit," the Vehicon monotoned, obviously an unwilling accomplice.

"Hah!" Fixit sneered, letting her sword drop and artfully turning its momentum into a neat twirl move that ended with it braced against her shoulder. Somehow, her hood also had gotten swept off, revealing elaborate red and black face paint mimicking Darth Maul's. "And who's going to stop me, _Jedi Steve? _You? Ha!"

"Even if I fall in battle today any victory you may achieve will be only temporary for the Force shall never stand for your injustice."

"Bold words, for a Jedi. Let's see if you can back them up!"

Steve stared blankly as Fixit shifted into an offensive stance, doing a marvelous job of pretending she wasn't wielding a sword larger and heavier than she was.

"…"

"…Steve, that's your cue!"

He vented again, trudging forwards slowly as he reluctantly drew his sword…and promptly tripped over his cloak.

He yelped as he went helm first off the edge of the platform, Fixit just missing his servo as she lunged. The Vehicon managed to twist and land on his pedes, though they slipped out from under him, leaving him lying on his back, staring up at worried dark scarlet optics.

"Steve, are you okay?"

"F-fine," he hastened to reassure her, considering she looked ready to jump down after him. "I'm fine. Good to go."

"…you sure?"

"Yep, peachy. And, um…you have fallen into the trap, foolish Sith!"

"…oh really? And what would a _Jedi-"_ her deep voice was positively dripping with scorn "-know about setting traps?"

"I was not the one who set the trap. You were the one to do that," Steve said resignedly, standing up as Fixit swept down the stairs dramatically.

"I was, was I? Well then, Jedi, care to explain to me just what the trap is?"

"…no."

Fixit paused. "What?"

"You are my enemy, a Sith Lord. Jedi though I may be, I'm not stupid."

"…sure you're not."

"I'm not!"

"Poor little Jedi, living in delusion…"

"I am not-!"

Steve froze as she suddenly brought the Dark Star Saber up to hover just under his chin.

"Foolish Jedi," she chuckled. "One should never allow oneself to be distracted from the task at hand. Any last words?"

He glared. "Just this-"

Fixit made a little slashing motion with the sword, careful not to actually hit Steve. "Too late! Ta-ta, _Jedi Steve_. You shall not be missed."

She turned to walk off, but paused as Steve just stood there.

"Steve, you're dead, die!"

"Oh, right."

Darth Fixit swept back up the steps as her foe died an overly-dramatic death behind her. She stalked onto the platform, returning the Dark Star Saber to her back and resting her fists on her hips.

"And now, no one can stop me!"

She broke out into truly impressive evil laughter, her voice ringing through the bridge and covering up the semi-hysterical snickers of the Roombas on duty.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Ah, Fixit. How I love you._

_There's going to be no set timeline for when these pranks were pulled, unless explicitly stated otherwise. And since I'm primarily focused on writing the actual story, this is going to be updated much less frequently._

_But there will be updates. There's no way I can fit all the pranks Fixit pulls into the story(s)._


	2. Lawn Care

Mischief Managed

KEY

**Bold Text** = two or more people talking

Lawn Care

"Sam, off the grass! I just took care of it!"

Seven year old Sam rolled his eyes, but obediently moved off the grass. He moved over to where Aunt Fixit and Miles were lounging in the shade, munching on macaroni salad as they watched his parents work on their garden.

"My parents are so weird…" he muttered as he plopped down next to the albino. "It's just grass, it's supposed to be walked on…"

Miles snickered, kicking his legs in the air as he lay on his front. "I think Uncle Ron loves his grass more than Aunt Judy…oh, my beautiful grass, I love you so!" he mocked, making Sam laugh and Fixit snicker.

"It's his…precious…" the albino imitated Gollum. The boys laughed, since the cybertronian had been reading them the Hobbit for the past couple of weeks.

Sam idly stabbed his fork into the ground, catching her interest. "Does that make you Smaug?" he asked Fixit innocently. "You are evil enough…"

She paused in her plotting, staring at him…and then burst out into semi-hysterical laughter. "…you…think…dragon…me…Majesty! Yes!"

The boys looked at each other and simultaneously decided to ignore the weirdo laughing her aft off between them.

"So I had the most awesome idea for a prank during class yesterday…" Miles scooted over to Sam to begin plotting as Fixit continued to laugh.

"Dragon!"

* * *

><p>"Off my lawn, woman!"<p>

"Bite me, Witwicky!"

"FIXIT, OFF THE LAWN! RON, NO YELLING!"

**"Yes ma'am…"**

* * *

><p>"So, boys…" Fixit began as she pulled away from the dojo the boys were learning aikido at.<p>

Their attention immediately turned to her as they paused in plotting their revenge on a bully at school.

The albino grinned wolfishly. "How'd you like to mess with Ron's precious?"

Pedestrians walking along the road all turned to stare warily at the sleek silver car as mad cackling drifted out of its open windows.

* * *

><p>"First, to the craft store! High-ho, to Jo-Ann's we go!"<p>

"Forward on the foe!"

"Whoo! This is gonna rule!"

* * *

><p>"Got it?"<p>

"Yup! What's next?"

"Um…right! To Home Depot we go!"

**"Yeah!"**

* * *

><p>"Mom?"<p>

"Yeah?"

"You have the most awesome car _ever._"

"How is it even fitting all this stuff?"

"Because Sammy, my car, like me, is ninja-awesome."

"…okay, yeah, that's true."

"Best. Mom. Ever."

* * *

><p>"…what are we doing?"<p>

"If we're going to do this, we have to be properly dressed…"

"Auntie?"

"Yeah?"

**"You rule."**

"I know."

* * *

><p>Midnight came, and with it, three black-clad ninjas darting about the Witwicky's yard, conversing in hurried whispers.<p>

"So awesome-!"

**"Shh!"**

"Right, that's everything, let's flee the scene of the crime!"

"Flee!"

"Whoo!"

**"Shhhh!"**

* * *

><p>Ron raised his morning cup of coffee to his lips as he went to fetch the paper…and promptly spat it out at the sight of his poor lawn.<p>

"FIXIT!" he howled in rage as he beheld the state of his precious.

Lawn flamingos of every color, both sparkly and non, were all over the yard, as well as obnoxiously colored gazing balls and lawn gnomes. The grass itself had been spray-painted shimmering pink- what little of it could be seen through the multitude of rainbow-colored forks planted in nearly every square meter of the yard.

All in all, it looked like the gods of lawn ornaments and rainbows had thrown up on it.

In the house across the street (which Fixit had bought solely so she didn't have to drive an hour each day if she wanted to visit the Witwickys) the three ninjas high-fived each other in triumph. Victory was theirs!

* * *

><p><em>AN: Thanks to HeartsGuardianSol for the idea!_


	3. Prime Gets Framed

Prime Gets Framed

Barricade grumbled to himself as he sat on the side of the road in his alt. mode, glaring at the flame-decaled semi as it passed by. He'd been tailing the Prime for cycles now, but had he caught the mech breaking any rules? Noooo, of course not. Fraggin' goody-two shoes…

* * *

><p>Miles looked up from the massive screen he was playing Halo on as his new guardian stomped in irritably. The cop car flung himself onto the couch the teen was perched on the back of, making the human bounce slightly from the impact.<p>

"Sup, CadeCade?" Miles inquired, wondering what had put the mech in such a bad mood. Especially since Fixit was over in India, thereby eliminating her as a cause.

"It's the fraggin' Prime! I can't catch him doing anything!" Barricade snarled, sulkily glaring at the screen. "And you're gonna die."

Miles yelped as he desperately tried to get Master Chief out of the way of the rocket. He failed miserably.

Cade snickered as the teen cussed out the screen, clearly having learned well from his mother.

* * *

><p>Miles shot up in bed as an idea came to him. Yes! That would totally cheer his guardian up!<p>

* * *

><p>"Barricade! I have an idea!"<p>

The cruiser jumped as the teen slammed the human-sized door to his room open in the middle of the night, almost falling off his berth.

"Wha-?!"

* * *

><p>The black and white mech stared at his charge, who was practically vibrating in excitement.<p>

"That…is pure genius! You evil slagger! We can get both of them with this!" Barricade scooped Miles up, swinging him around briefly before heading out to prepare for their evil plan.

* * *

><p>The cruiser snarled to himself. Why the frag did Fixit have to have such good security around her hazardous supplies?<p>

* * *

><p>"Wow. You're right, there's no radiation leaking whatsoever. I can't even sense the case is there."<p>

"Yeah, mom developed it to transport hazardous material easier, but she hasn't gotten around to mass producing it yet. Something about too much potential for abuse…"

"…I can see that. Terrorists would go nuts for this. Of course, that's what we're counting on…"

* * *

><p>Marie 'Fixit' Callahan collapsed onto the couch in her hotel room in India, pulling off her orange ski mask as she did so. She ran a tired hand through her white hair tiredly, closing her red eyes and leaning her head against the pillows.<p>

"Urgh, stupid people…why did I agree to this deal, again? Bleh…"

After lounging quietly for several minutes, she finally roused herself enough to pull out her phone. Miles had called in the middle of her meeting to leave a message. Undoubtedly it was about Barricade's frustration with not being able to catch Prime…

She jackknifed up from the couch, eyes wide in horror as she listened to their plan to frame Prime. Those morons! That was taking it too far!

* * *

><p>"High-ho, to bugging mechs we go!" Miles proclaimed cheerfully as he jumped into Bumblebee's backseat. He, Sam, and Mikaela were off to the Autobots' new base in Oregon for the weekend. He was so busy chatting with them that he didn't notice his phone going off as Fixit desperately tried to call him, especially since it was on silent.<p>

* * *

><p>Barricade sat by the side of the road. The Autobot scout bristled warily as he passed the shock trooper by, but soon disappeared off into the distance.<p>

The cruiser grinned mentally. And so it began…

* * *

><p>Fixit cursed as she tried and failed to get ahold of Barricade. Little did she know he and Miles had 'accidentally' damaged his long-range comm during their weekly paintball war…<p>

* * *

><p>"Please? I don't want to have to sit awkwardly in the back whilst my godbrother flirts with Mikaela…"<p>

Miles practically bounced in glee as Optimus Prime, amused, agreed to give the teen a ride. He and Jazz were both coming back to Tranquility with the humans and Bee. This way he could ask the Prime so many questions! And plant the evidence, but whatever…

* * *

><p>Barricade bounced slightly on his wheels in gleeful anticipation as the three Autobots finally came into view over the horizon. Yessss, it was almost time…<p>

* * *

><p>Miles suppressed a snicker as the Autobots slowed warily at the sight of his guardian sitting on the side of the road. Bumblebee moved to the furthest lane, Optimus following him as Jazz moved protectively between them and the ex-Con.<p>

"Why is Jazz being guard?" the teen wondered aloud. "Didn't the Hatchet threaten to offline him if he got hurt again anytime soon?"

The silver Solstice winced guiltily, but quickly tensed again as the cop car pulled out to drive alongside them, tailing the saboteur.

Taking advantage of the Prime's focus on the ex-Con, Miles slipped the slim silver case out of his backpack and under the seat, into the only place large enough that the case would remain intact even if the mech transformed.

The Autobots kept trying to comm the cruiser, but he ignored all attempts at contact. Finally, once they reached the town, Barricade peeled off, leaving some very unnerved beings behind. Miles had a very hard time suppressing his laughter as Sam commented on how creepy the cruiser was.

* * *

><p>Fixit snarled to herself as she jetted across the ocean, flying just meters above the water to avoid detection on radar. She was going to strangle those idiots once she got home and fixed their mess…<p>

* * *

><p>"Tranquility Police Department, how may I help you?"<p>

Barricade snickered mentally as he talked, his voice obviously disguised. Fixit was going to murder them for this, but it was going to be so totally worth it.

* * *

><p>"The femmes sound totally bad-aft! Frag, I hope some of them end up on Earth!" Miles said as they pulled up to the Witwicky house.<p>

Optimus's holoform chuckled wistfully. "So do I, Miles. So do I."

The teen paused, then smiled softly, patting the dashboard. "I'm sure you'll see him again, OP." He didn't give the startled semi a chance to respond, immediately moving on. "Thanks for the ride, dude! See you later!"

The holoform watched him slide out of the cab in bemusement. He chuckled when Miles immediately moved to tackle Sam, making the boy yelp indignantly and Mikaela laugh.

Jazz chuckled. "'e's pretty perceptive, for all 'e acts like an idiot a' times…"

"…that he is. According to Mrs. Witwicky, it's a trait he shares with his mother."

"Somehow Ah'm not surprised…"

The three cybertronians watched fondly as the human children played. Mikaela then dragged out the hose to dose the boys unexpectedly, making them scream at the cold as the onlookers laughed.

And as the semi shook in laughter, a small silver case sat innocently, tucked under his seat.

* * *

><p>Optimus was growing suspicious as he patrolled Tranquility. Usually Barricade showed up to tail him within the first fifteen minutes, but it had been almost forty-five minutes, and there had been no sign of him.<p>

The semi turned a corner, and was immediately surrounded by cops.

"Exit the vehicle immediately! You are under arrest!"

…what?

* * *

><p>Optimus' holoform- aka Orion Paxton- sat cuffed in a holding room in the police station twenty minutes later, looking utterly bewildered. He had no idea why he had been arrested, but suspected Barricade was involved.<p>

Thankfully, he had been ambushed close enough to the police station that his holoform wasn't in danger of disappearing due to distance. Although he suspected that also wasn't a coincidence.

He had contacted his team and NEST already, but there wasn't a whole lot they could do right now without risking their cover. The Prime was on his own…for now.

* * *

><p>Orion looked up as the door to the room opened almost an hour later, revealing a sheepish-looking officer.<p>

"Sorry about the misunderstanding, sir," she stated as she crossed the room to take off the cuffs. "We got an anonymous tip about a terrorist threat, and when we found the plutonium case under your truck's seat, well…"

"Plutonium!?" the holoform started, staring at the officer in surprise as she lead him out of the room.

"Yep. You took the wrong case by accident, idiot. I distinctly remember saying the blue _and _silver case was the one containing my son's present, not the plain silver…"

Orion looked up and flinched at the almost blinding neon colors. Then he frowned.

"Ms. Callahan?" he asked in bafflement. What was the world-famous inventor doing here?

The brightly-clothed figure moved in such a way that it was evident she was rolling her eyes. "How many times to I have to tell you to call me Marie, Orion? Honestly, you and your men have been working directly under me for years now, I think you've earned the right to call me by my first name. Silly bastard…"

Optimus was utterly confused, but schooled his expression into one of neutrality when the officer glanced at him.

"You're free to go, sir. Just…make sure you've got the right package next time?"

"Don't worry, I'll personally make sure of it. Come on, you, let's go. I've got meetings to get back to, and you've got a present to deliver…" Marie interjected, grabbing hold of Orion's arm and pulling him along. She dragged him outside and over to his alt. mode, attempting to shove him inside.

"Ms. Callahan, what-?"

"Just get in and go already! You're in the clear, ask Jazz for more details. I need to go yell at Barricade before I have to go back to India. Now shoo!"

In his shock, Optimus let her push his holoform back into his alt. mode, and was unable to prevent the inventor from running off.

_What the frag just happened!?_

* * *

><p>Fixit stalked into the warehouse, immediately spotting the hysterical pair practically dying on the couch.<p>

"WHAT THE FRAG WERE YOU THINKING, YOU SLAG-HELMED, GLITCHING MORONIC GO-KARTS!?" she roared furiously, deep voice echoing throughout the entire home.

Barricade and Miles both jumped, whirling around to face her guiltily.

"Everything went according to plan!" the shock trooper said hastily, leaping to his pedes as the Eradicon opened her mouth to continue her tirade.

She snapped her optics shut, balling her fists at her sides as she vented steadily and deliberately.

Miles edged over to his guardian, who scooped him up, holding him against his chest plates defensively.

"What do you mean everything went according to plan." Fixit stated flatly, clearly indicating that they needed to answer quickly and concisely or suffer the consequences.

"We, we didn't just prank Prime," the teen began, eyeing his mom nervously. He'd never seen her this mad before. "We pranked you too. I knew you'd come bail Prime out, we were counting on it."

The Eradicon opened her optics just slightly, slits of furious dark crimson glaring at them.

The two conspirators fidgeted anxiously as she remained silent.

"…we had a back-up plan in case you didn't show up?" Barricade offered sheepishly.

Silence.

"…and the Autobots' reactions were really funny?" Miles stated hesitantly.

Silence.

The two drooped in unison. "…we're totally dead, aren't we?"

"…the only reason I am not going to make you wish you were offline is because, despite how pissed I am, this was a brilliant plot and I am in awe of the effort you put into this. However, that does not keep me from being _absolutely bloody furious with the both of you!"_

They whimpered as Fixit stalked forward to loom over them.

_"You are going to take my punishments and not whine about them at all, are we understood!?"_

**"Sir yes sir!"**

* * *

><p>Barricade slumped miserably on his wheels as he drove morosely down Main Street, people stopping to gape andor laugh at the cruiser.

Fixit had given him a makeover. Now, he was bright sparkly pink- in place of black- and shimmering purple- in place of white- with the markings on his alt. mode in various shades of bright blue and gold.

And just to complete his misery, the entirety of the Autobots on Earth came rolling down the street from the opposite direction, having all gathered in Tranquility when Prime was arrested. People didn't even notice the shaking vehicles doing a poor job of muffling their laughter- Barricade's new paint job was that distracting!

* * *

><p>Miles paled, getting a very bad feeling as he realized Fixit had signed him up to volunteer at a local animal clinic- one that specialized in rehabilitating and returning animals to the wild.<p>

He fainted when he realized she had specifically requested for him to work with the squirrels…

…_for the next **year**._


	4. Cry Freedom!

Cry Freedom! (aka What Happened To The Newsparks)

* * *

><p>Jazz groaned in misery as the newsparks practically tackled him. Seriously, he had only been gone for a breem so Ratchet could check him over before he left, but the way they were acting, it was like he had been gone for cycles!<p>

As if it wasn't bad enough he was stuck here whilst his comrades went to investigate exactly what the frag Barricade thought he was doing pretending to be part of the police…he was stuck with bitlets hanging off of him practically all the time!

It was nearly impossible to pry the little (and not-so-little) ones off of him. The longest he had been free of them after that ex-Con dumped them on him in Mission City was exactly one joor.

It was driving him insane! A mech needed some privacy, sometimes!

So far, Judy Witwicky and Sarah Lennnox were the only ones who had succeeded in getting the bitlets off of him, but they could only keep them away for so long. Judy seemed certain that Fixit, Miles' mother and Sam's godmother, would be able to help more, though.

Jazz publically hoped for her to succeed, but privately was of the opinion that she would have to be a slagging miracle-worker to get his personal leeches less dependent on him.

* * *

><p>Jazz broke off in the middle of flirting with Fixit (and traumatizing Miles and Sam) in order to groan in exasperation.<p>

She frowned at him in concern, the giant balloon crown wobbling as she tilted her head to the side.

"T' bitlets are getting' restless an' startin' t' sneak across t' base t' tackle ma real form," he sighed, answering her wordless question. He briefly dropped his head to rest against her shoulder in resignation.

She patted his head sympathetically, only a slight tensing of her shoulders giving away the fact that she was uncomfortable with his proximity.

"There, there…want me to work my magic?"

"If yah can do _anything_ t' help, Ah will foreve' adore ya," he told her seriously, raising his head to look her in the eyes.

The albino smirked, patting his cheek. "Don't make promises you can't keep, bud. Come on then, tell me where the bitlets are."

* * *

><p>Jazz gaped in astonishment as the bitlets utterly ignored him in favor of listening to Fixit tell her ridiculous (and amazingly, true) story about the Telephone Wire Caper.<p>

She caught sight of his gaping form and winked a red eye mischievously. Her entire posture screamed 'I told you so.'

* * *

><p>Jazz was infamous for taking everything in stride- hardly anything fazed him.<p>

And then he met Fixit.

And watched her put the bitlets to bed without them desperately having to cling to the saboteur.

And then she proceeded to drag him off to locate a suitable hanger to design the playground/quarters for the bitlets without them stirring in the slightest.

He gaped at the elaborate blueprints she presented him with. This was…

"…brillian'," he finished out loud, causing her to blush slightly.

"Yes, well…you'll still have to be around them a lot for a while, but you should start having someone else with you. Maybe more than one, I don't know, it all depends on the bitlets' comfort level. However many others you get, wait to leave them alone with the bitlets until they associate them with you…with safety. Once that's done, you can _slowly_ start increasing the amount of time you spend away from them. **Slowly."**

* * *

><p>"What's going on over there?" Wheeljack asked curiously as panicked yelling, snarled curses, and hysterical laughter drifted out from one of the outlying hangers.<p>

Jazz laughed, bouncing over to the commotion. "Tha', mah mech, is Fixit an' her family," he tossed over his shoulder, leaving his comrades to explain.

The saboteur was so happy! Fixit's plan had worked! The newsparks, whilst still needing a lot of attention, weren't utterly dependent on him anymore! He was free!

"Fixit!" he cried happily as he burst into the hanger. "Wonderfal, amazin', beautifal Fixit! Light o' ma spark! Ge' ova here an' let meh hug yah!"

"What the frag!?" the albino yelped as the saboteur scooped her up and cuddled her to his chest, allowing her son to escape to the relative safety of Barricade's shoulders. "Jazz, put me down!"

"Neva! Yah're mah savior! Ah mus' adore yah foreva!"

"How the frag does that translate to smothering me!? Barricade, help!"

Jazz glared at the cop car, pressing a protesting Fixit into the crook of his neck protectively.

Barricade raised his servos in the air as Fritz and Miles hid behind him helm. "…nah, I'm good."

_"Barricade!"_

The cruiser had trouble repressing his laughter as the saboteur happily went back to rubbing his faceplates affectionately against the cursing albino.

"Jazz, put me down- wait no, I take it back, hold me closer!" Fixit amended as Ratchet stalked in, a dangerous gleam in his optics.

"U-uh-oh," Fritz muttered. He and Barricade exchanged glances as the Autobot CMO stalked towards the suddenly indecisive saboteur and the defensively-snarling albino cradled against his chest.

The cruiser plucked his charge off his shoulder as his partner scrambled down his frame. Cade dropped Miles onto Fritz's back, and the two shorties made a break for it just as Ratchet and Fixit began yelling at their respective top volumes.

Barricade winced in mild sympathy for Jazz, who looked rather intimidated at being caught in the middle of the fight. Luckily enough for him, Fixit jumped from his arms to land on top of a pile of crates about as tall as Ratchet's waist, grinning fiercely as she taunted the medic with the sensor block around her neck that was preventing the doctor from scanning her.

The saboteur immediately retreated to stand (re: cower) next to the cop car.

Cade smirked at him before offering…an energon goodie?

"Humans have popcorn, we have energon goodies," the mech explained, leaning against the wall and snacking on his own treat as he watched Fixit and Ratchet swear at each other.

"…where did yah find enough energon ta make goodies?" Jazz accepted the offering cautiously, although he didn't eat it.

"Fixit has a massive energon conversion and/or production system at several locations around the world," Cade answered casually, ignoring the silver mech's surprised noise. "Ooo, that was a creative one. Never heard that before…"

Jazz was still trying to wrap his helm around the fact that Fixit apparently had a surplus of energon. Barricade noticed, and rolled his optics.

"She's going to share it with you lot just as soon as she figures out how to make something other than high-grade. Understandably, she doesn't want to see any of you drunk. It should be ready in a week, so just relax, sit back, and enjoy the show. Because really, how often do you get to see two masters of creative cursing have a cuss-off?"

The saboteur snorted in amusement at the cruiser's phrasing. But the ex-Con had a point.

And so, Jazz and Barricade sat back and laughed their afts off as an irate Ratchet began chasing Fixit around the hanger.

(They ended up in hysterics as Fixit, followed closely by the CMO, dodged between the pedes of the newly-arrived Optimus. Only Ratchet wasn't as light on his feet as the albino, and ended up flattening his Prime, allowing Fixit to escape with a gleeful cackle.)


	5. Mexico

**Bold **= 2+ people talking

Mexico

* * *

><p>"<em>Got it. T<em>_hey hid the key to fixing him in a temple in Mexico."_

"_Okay…got any more detail than that?"_

"…_I believe Solus said it was an Aztec temple."_

"_Got it…Solus is being really cooperative, isn't he?"_

"_So far, he is the only one of the Primes who is showing any remorse for their actions."_

"_Huh. No wonder I disliked 'im less than the others…he's probably the only even vaguely sane one left."_

"…_unfortunately, youngling, you are most likely right. Again."_

"_Well I am sneaky ninja awesome…"_

"_What does that have to do with anything?"_

"_It has everything to do with it…"_

* * *

><p>"That's so cool…"<p>

Barricade snorted from the couch as his red Spartan pummeled Frenzy's blue Elite. "And dangerous. The tunnels were filled with rogue bots, spark-eaters, scraplets…you name it."

Frenzy scowled at the cop car as his Elite respawned. "M-my story, m-my My-My, b-butt out-t!"

"I haven't really done anything dangerous," Miles pouted, the soon-to-be sophomore in high school expertly maneuvering his Spartan around the battlefield, annihilating the Covenant coming his way. "Most scary thing I've ever done was help destroy that mutated cactus…"

CadeCade and Fritz paused the game, turning to stare at the boy. "Mutated cactus?"

"Yeah, there was an issue with one of Mom's rival companies' experiments down in Mexico. She had to bring me along since it was summer break and the Witwicky's were in Nebraska for Judy's dad's funeral-"

There was suddenly a loud slam from behind them as Fixit slammed her helm into the table she was working at.

"FRAGGIT, I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!" she cursed, immediately bursting into a flurry of frantic action.

The terrible trio shared a wary glance.

"Forgot about what?" Barricade asked carefully as Miles and Fritz climbed onto his shoulders in search of safety.

"Tell you on the way, now hurry up and pack!"

"Wait, what? Pack? Mom, where are we going?"

"An ancient Aztec temple in Mexico. What are you just sitting around for!? Move! Go! Go go go go go!"

They were all bewildered, but allowed themselves to be shepherded along. Sometimes, with Fixit, it was just better not to ask…

And hey, free vacation to Mexico!

* * *

><p>"Mommommommommommom-"<p>

"No, you may not get the giant sombrero…"

"But Mom…"

"B-but Fixy…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…I don't think they're going to stop anytime soon…"

"Shut up, CadeCade."

"Shutting up."

The spazzes sniffled pitifully.

"…GAH! Okay, _if_ you behave, then on the way back we can get the fraggin' sombrero!"

**"YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!"**

"Sucker…"

"Barricade!"

"Shutting up!"

* * *

><p>"Okay, wait here for me, and whatever you do…<em>don't follow me<em>. Got it!?"

"Ma'am yes ma'am!" Miles and Fritz saluted. Barricade rolled his optics, but nodded in response to the Eradicon's mute question. He'd protect her son till she got back.

The blue-and-purple femme pivoted on her pedes and slowly stalked into the forbidding, abandoned, overgrown and partially flooded Aztec temple. In order to reach the slaggin' thing, they had first had to climb down into a massive Cenote (that was surprisingly well-hidden. The thing was incredibly difficult to find). Once they got down into the hole (and Cade stopped whining about his joints rusting), they had to swim through several flooded caverns that were only just big enough for the full-size mechs to fit through. Miles rode in Fixit's cockpit, which she sealed and pressurized to keep him safe.

Finally, after about fifteen minutes of swimming, they'd emerged into a huge cavern deep underground. The (huge!) temple was located against the southern wall, and the only source of light were Barricade's headlights and the flashlights Fixit had packed in her subspace.

The terrible trio watched as the darkness swallowed up the Eradicon, leaving them alone in the cold, dripping, and eerie cavern.

"So…who wants to play poker?" Miles asked innocently, holding up a deck of cards.

* * *

><p>"How are you so fragging good at this, you little slagger!?"<p>

"Mom kicks aft at poker, and she taught me most of her tricks. Royal Flush!"

"WHAT!?"

"B-B.S!"

"Wrong game, Fritzy! Read 'em and weep!"

"You cheating little-"

Miles cackled gleefully as he dodged the cybertronians chasing him.

* * *

><p>"…so bored…"<p>

"Fixy need-need-d hurry uppy…"

"…right, that's it! I'm going after the fragger, who's with me!?"

"Slag yes!"

"T-to Fixy! A-advance, my l-legions!"

"Oh we're off to find the mother, the ninja-ful mother of me…"

"…I changed my mind, I'm going alone, stay here."

"N-nice try, CadeCade."

"If yah didn' wan' us comin' along, yah shouldn'ta offered in t' first place…"

"Why the frag are you suddenly talking with an accent?"

"Why no'?"

"…whatever. Frenzy, stop singing!"

"…g-ghosty chickens in t-the skyyyyyyyyy…"

"Yes!"

"No, Miles-!"

**"A chicken farmer set out, one dark and stormy day-"**

"Nooooooo, whyyyyyyyyy…"

**"He stopped by the chicken coop, as he went along his way-!"**

"Why did Fixit have to teach you two this song!?"

**"When all of a sudden, a rotten egg, it hit him in his eye-"**

"Fraggit, I'm just gonna offline my audios…"

**"It was a sight he dreaded; Ghost Chickens in the Skyyyyyyyyy."**

"Ah, sweet relief…"

**"Bawk…bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk, bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk, bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk, bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk! Bawk bawk bawk bawk, Bakcaw! Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk! Ghost Chickens in the Skyyyyyyyyyy!"**

"…and even though I can't hear you you're just going to keep singing anyways, aren't you?"

**"He had been raising chickens since he was thirty-four, been working for the Colonel for forty years or more! Chopping up those chickens, and sending them to fry…"**

"…I don't even know why I bother sometimes. Ah well, at least you'll be annoying Fixit and not me…"

**"And now they want revenge, those chickens in the skyyyyyyyyyyyyy!**

** Bawk…bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk, bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk, bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk, bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk! Bawk bawk bawk bawk, Bakcaw! Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk! Ghost Chickens in the Skyyyyyyyyyy!"**

"…is the stupid dance _really_ necessary?"

**"Their bones were black and shiny, their eyes, a fiery red, they had no meat nor feathers, those chickens, they were dead! They picked the farmer up…and he died by the claw…**

** …they fried him extra crispy, and served him with coleslawwwwwwww.**

** Bawk…bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk, bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk, bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk, bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk! Bawk bawk bawk bawk, Bakcaw! Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk! Ghost Chickens in the Skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"**

"…are you done now?"

**"Oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh-"**

"Evidentially not."

* * *

><p>Fixit fiddled with the advanced (and extremely complicated) hologramform device that she had found with the key she needed. Stupid slaggin' irritatin' thing that only worked erratically…

…wait. Who was singing?

She got to her pedes, walking over to a hole in the wall that overlooked the rest of the roofless temple, and peered down at the long-suffering CadeCade and the duo serenading him.

_Apparently they didn't listen when I told them to stay put…_ she thought sardonically, snickering quietly as Fritz and Miles began singing a love song, causing the cop car to twitch irritably. She had set up lights along the correct route and disabled all the traps in the light, just in case of this scenario.

_ …well, either that or Miles and Fritz got bored, and Barricade decided to find me in an attempt to preserve what's left of his sanity._

_ Either way, they still disobeyed my orders…which means it's time to punish them._

Fixit cackled softly, stroking the holo-emitter possessively.

* * *

><p>Barricade paused.<p>

Miles and Frenzy continued singing 'It's a Small World After All,' only to be cut off with a yelp as Cade scooped them up and plopped them down on his shoulders.

"What the frag, CadeCade-?!" Miles yelled as Fritz snarled something rather foul in Cybertronian.

The cruiser shushed them both, shifting around into a defensive position as a shadow slowly got bigger on the wall behind them. Fritz took his cue from Cade, skittering across to Miles, preparing to protect him if necessary. It grew larger and larger, soft scraping noises audible now that the shorties had stopped singing. The terrible trio all tensed as it came to the corner…

…and a tiny little four-legged metal form skittered into view. It tilted its tiny helm up, looking at them curiously with large blue-purple optics and a wide, currently closed, mouth.

"…aww, it's so cute," Miles cooed, relaxing and attempting to lean forward.

Attempting, because both Barricade and Frenzy had frozen in petrified horror.

He glanced curiously at them. "What's up with you guys? Look at it, it's tiny and adorable!"

They didn't move a millimeter, nearly-white optics frozen upon the also-still little form.

* * *

><p>Fixit snickered gleefully to herself as she controlled the holo-emitter attached to her arm.<p>

Discreetly, she snapped a still-frame of Barricade and Fritz looking like deer in headlights. Yes, she was going to get so much blackmail from this!

* * *

><p>The stare-off continued…and then the little silver form took a tiny step forwards.<p>

Barricade bolted, swearing up a storm as a panicking Fritz attached himself to his partner's neck, Miles sandwiched between them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! SCRAPLET! FIXIT, SCRAPLET, RUN!"

"WE'RE G-GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"WHAT THE FRAG!?"

"SCRAPLET!"

* * *

><p>Fixit had to mute her vocalizer so her boys wouldn't hear her mad cackling. Yes! This was going to be so much fun!<p>

* * *

><p>Barricade was perched precariously on top of one of the temple walls, frantically scanning his surroundings constantly. Miles was stuck between his helm and Fritz, who was alternating scanning and shivering in utter terror.<p>

"Oy-!"

_**"SHHH!"**_ they hushed him desperately.

He scowled at them. "Okay, fine," he whispered. "I'll be quiet. Now why the slag are you guys so afraid of a tiny little-"

"S-s-s-crap-plet-t," Fritz whimpered.

"What!? Where!?" Barricade hissed, twitching madly with paranoia.

"Oh will you stop!? It's nowhere near here! Now why are big bad Decepticon warriors scared of a tiny little scraplet!?"

Fritz shivered, only incoherent gibberish coming out of his vocalizer.

Seeing this, Barricade began to hesitantly explain, even as he continued to anxiously scan his surroundings. "S-scraplets are similar to the plagues of Earth locusts described in some of your legends…only much, much w-worse."

The two cybertronians shuddered in unison, a pitiful whine escaping Fritz.

"T-they eat everything, but are especially f-fond of…l-living m-metal...aka, u-us."

"Wait, they eat cybertronians? But it's so tiny and you're so big!"

"Where there's one scraplet, t-there's always a s-s-swarm. And they can d-devour a bot w-whole in, in k-klicks…I've s-seen it h-happen before…"

Miles stared in astonishment as Barricade- tough, grumpy, jaded, hard-aft Barricade- almost broke down sobbing in fear of tiny little scraplets the size of a Chihuahua!

* * *

><p>Fixit watched quietly as her son attempted to comfort his cybertronian friends.<p>

…okay, now she was starting to feel guilty…

…but the guilt was overridden by the sheer amount of _fun_ she was having by messing with them like this!

Hey, she never claimed to be a nice person. She was a proud sadist, and a successful Con, for a reason.

That being said, CadeCade and Fritz were good allies, even friends now, and dragging this out too long would only alienate them. So, time to wrap it up!

* * *

><p>"…you know, you make a horrible bird of prey, CadeCade…"<p>

The terrible trio's attention shot to the blue-and-purple Eradicon leaning casually against the wall on the opposite side of the corridor.

"FIXIT!" they all cried in relief as Barricade lurched off his perch, landing haphazardly. He immediately launched himself over to her, grabbing her arm and literally dragging her behind him as he sprinted for the exit.

"Wha-? Barricade, slow down- WHOA THERE, BIG GUY!"

They stumbled to a halt as Fixit dug her pedes into the ground, barely staying upright.

"No no no, we need to go now!" the cop car panicked, trying to get her moving again.

"F-Fixy, needneed move now!"

"Mom, we seriously need to run!"

"Not until you tell me why!"

"SCRAPLETS! THERE'S SCRAPLETS INSIDE THE FRAGGIN' TEMPLE, YOU IDIOTIC FEMME! NOW MOVE!"

"Wait, scrap-? Oh, you mean the holoforms built into the defenses that I accidentally activated?"

The terrified trio all froze. Slowly, they turned to stare at the slightly-sheepish Eradicon.

"…what." Barricade said flatly.

"…there might have been a security system I accidentally tripped that made solid holoforms of scraplets to wander around the temple?"

"…"

"…"

"…so there's really no scraplets."

"…nope."

"…"

"…"

"...OH THANK PRIMUS!" Cade wailed, sinking to his knees in exhausted relief. Fritz went limp on his shoulder, and would've fallen off were it not for Miles catching him just in time.

Fixit had a very hard time not laughing aloud, even as she stealthily snapped pictures.

* * *

><p>"We've got everything, right?"<p>

"Y-yes, _carrier_," Fritz snarked, more than ready to leave. Although the threat had been proven to be non-existent, none of the terrible trio had wanted to stick around any longer than necessary, and had packed up their stuff in record time.

"Yeah Mom, we're good. Let's get out of here and get that sombrero!"

She chuckled, her deep voice reverberating around the cavern as she helped her son into her cockpit, sealing it once he was inside.

"Finally," Barricade muttered, moving to the water's edge even as he kept a wary optic on the temple. "Hurry up."

"I'm comin', I'm comin'…"

"To sombreros!" Fritz cheered as he latched onto his partner, making sure he wouldn't lose his grip in the dark, confusing, cold submerged tunnels.

Fixit got to the water's edge…and Barricade froze, optics wide and locked on a point behind her shoulder and wings.

"…Fixit?" he asked carefully.

"Yes?"

"…you said you destroyed the holo-defenses, right?"

"…yeah."

"…so it can't make any more images of scraplets?"

"…no. Why?"

He pointed shakily. She turned to look…

…and froze at the sight of the swarm of actual scraplets, sitting in the entrance of the temple, watching them hungrily.

They shared a slow glance…and then made a mad break for the underwater tunnel, the starving scraplets swarming over the ground after them.

_**"FRAGGIT!"**_


	6. Hallowe'en Special

Hallowe'en Special!

or

The Poltergeists Strike Again!

"Have fun at school, boys!" Fixit waved to the boys as they ran inside the middle school. She hummed along to the song on the radio- Living On A Prayer by Bon Jovi, what else?- as she pulled out of the parking lot.

As she was driving to the hardware store to pick up some things Ron had asked her to get, she spotted a house beginning to put up Hallowe'en decorations. Wait…

…it was October already? That meant Hallowe'en was coming up…

FRAG YES! OPERATION PRANK THE COUNTRY IS A GO!

* * *

><p>"So, just to clarify: we've already done Prank the Town; Prank the County; Prank the State; Prank the Western Seaboard; and now it's time to Prank the Country?" Judy asked as she and Fixit drove out to Colorado to pick up some fireworks. Ron was left in charge of the boys (who had no idea their moms were the infamous Poltergeists) for the weekend whilst the girls prepped.<p>

"Yep."

"Sweet. So what's the plan?"

"Well, first…"

* * *

><p>"Pink or Green?"<p>

"Pink."

"Sparkly or Bloody?"

"Hmm…it's Hallowe'en, bloody."

"Got it. Bunnies or Zombies?"

"Zombie Bunnies."

"…"

"…"

"…why did that never occur to me before!? That's brilliant!"

"I am sneaky ninja-awesome…"

* * *

><p>Judy laughed her ass off at the video Fixit had made.<p>

The albino grinned smugly. They'd never know what hit them.

* * *

><p>"Pumpkins?"<p>

"Check."

"Hidden catapults in place?"

"Check."

"Pumpkin fillings, candy, and taunting notes for law enforcement?"

"Check, check, and check!"

"Right, time to set the remote control and leave…"

"This is going to be so awesome!"

* * *

><p>"So CadeCade, Fritz…"<p>

"Yes, we'll be your temporary minions again."

"YES!"

Barricade chuckled at Fixit's sheer glee. Really, this was far too much fun not to help, especially since it drove the human law enforcement and security nuts.

* * *

><p>Ron sighed. Only two days into October, and security across the country was already being stepped up in preparation for the Poltergeists' next prank(s)…<p>

* * *

><p>"Blueprints secured?"<p>

"Check!"

"Fritzy supplies ready to go?"

"Check!"

* * *

><p>Judy hid a yawn as she did her weekly shopping. Continuing with most of their usual routines was incredibly important to keeping their cover, but it was utterly exhausting! If it wasn't for Fixit not needing to recharge less than humans (or even the average cybertronian), they never would be able to do this!<p>

Also, Fixit not really having a routine helped too…though it did occasionally make getting her an alibi annoying.

* * *

><p>"Calling cards ready to go?"<p>

"Check! Hack set up and ready?"

"Check! And…I think that's everything!"

"Yes! This is going to be so much fun!"

"They'll never know what hit them!"

Judy and Fixit cackled maniacally, but quietly, from where they were hanging from the ceiling in their ninja outfits. Below, people passed by, oblivious to their impending doom.

* * *

><p>Hallowe'en day dawned…and an entire nation held its breath, waiting for the Poltergeists to strike.<p>

Children awoke early to watch the news. Police and military forces alike prepared to respond.

And then…

Fixit grinned. "Operation: Prank the Country…begin."

"Sir yes sir!" Judy, Barricade, and Fritz acknowledged over the comm, going about their appointed tasks with glee.

* * *

><p>Those few who slept in were startled awake by the loud sound of hollowed pumpkins striking the streets in every settled location across the country, splattering the sparkly multi-colored paint everywhere. Candy and Hallowe'en themed toys (sealed in protective plastic bags to prevent contamination) rained down from the sky as well, slowly followed by the traditional notes to law enforcement drifting down after them.<p>

The children cheered, rushing outside to snatch some of the multitude of candy. Drowsy parents drifted after their offspring sleepily, either laughing or groaning at the giant mess that greeted them.

One parent stooped to pick up a note.

It read, in fancy font:

'Good Job on Protecting Your City, Guys! Enjoy the Fun!

And Happy Hallowe'en!

-from your friendly neighborhood Poltergeists!'

Barricade cackled gleefully in his hidey-hole at the curses from law enforcement filling the airwaves, even as he hit the button to make the catapults reload. He loved this task!

* * *

><p>Fritz cackled mentally as he snuck into the White House, the only government building they were targeting where they hadn't dared set up booby-traps ahead of time. He had been given free reign, so long as he hurt no one and all of the damage was easily reversed or non-crippling to operation.<p>

But even with those parameters, this was going to be so much fun!

* * *

><p>Judy hit her remote control, unleashing the stuffed zombie bunnies across the country. The simple little automated robots (covered in mass amounts of fluffy fur and stuffing) would just roam around the areas they were released until they were either caught or their batteries ran out.<p>

But considering each of them was wearing a small bowtie made of tiny solar panels, that could take awhile.

* * *

><p>Fritz escaped the White House unseen, leaving chaos in his wake.<p>

He had reversed every screen to display upside-down and backwards; tossed itching powder in every piece of laundry or cloth he could access without getting caught; set the language of every device to either Russian, German, Hindu, Japanese, or Afrikaans (including the printers and fax machines); doused all the food with orange and/or red food dye; slipped pink hair dye into all the shampoo and conditioner; and splattered every room he could with his customized semi-automatic paintball rifle.

Fixit was going to be so proud…

* * *

><p>Judy, Barricade, and Fritz all gathered round as Fixit stood in front of her console, watching the news reports.<p>

"Nice one, Fritz!" the Eradicon laughed as the initial report of the damage to the White House came out, despite efforts to cover it up.

The spastic silver mech cackled gleefully. Judy laughed with him as Barricade snickered.

"Aaaaaand…it is now officially three o' clock. Shall we?"

They all shared evil grins, standing at attention behind the Eradicon.

Fixit brought up her virus…and pushed the button.

Every video or audio feed in the country was suddenly replaced with Zombie Bunnies saluting a flagpole waving the American Flag Underwear…to the full symphonic and choral arrangement (courtesy of Fixit and Fritz's mad hacking skillz) of 'God Bless My Underwear.'

_"God Bless My Underwear_

_ The only pair I own!_

_ Stand beside them_

_ And guide them_

_ As they sit in a heap by the chair!_

_ From the washer_

_ To the dryer_

_ To my dresser_

_ To my rear!_

_ God Bless My Underwear_

_ My only pair!_

_ God Bless My Underwear_

_ Or I'll Be Bare!"_


	7. Golden Ghost

Sunny Returns

or

Golden Ghost

"…_hey Sun?"_

_ "…what?"_

_ "Wanna prank your brother and the rest of the Autobots? Come back with a big bang?"_

_ The freshly-painted golden frontliner eyed the medic's evil grin warily. "…maybe. Why?"_

_ The grin grew. "Oh, you know…I just thought we could surprise them for, say, Hallowe'en or something…"_

_ "…that human holiday coming up in a couple of cycles?"_

_ "Yep."_

_ A matching evil grin slowly appeared. "What do you have in mind?"_

* * *

><p>"Right, so, we're almost done with preparations, but there are still a couple things you can help with," the medic proclaimed cheerfully as he bounced deeper into the warehouse, followed closely by Sunstreaker.<p>

He eyed the damp cave walls warily. Who knew what damage that moisture could do to his paint…

The winged mech burst into a large cavern just big enough for them to walk around without bending over. Sun paused in the entrance, distracted from the danger to his paint by the sheer multitude of security feeds and screens, displaying places all over the world. It was almost as bad as one of Red Alert's offices!

"Don't just stand there, Sun, get over here," the medic said distractedly. "Yo, BB, you there? I got a new recruit."

The golden frontliner slowly walked over, staring at a collection of screens on the left that showed a bunch of catapults and…small orange things, a couple of which were gradually leaking…colors.

"Hellooooooooo? BB? Baseball Bat? Anyone there?"

"…yeah, I'm here! Sorry MM, I was finishing up the fluff cannons…so, new recruit?"

"Yup! I'm thinking of calling him GG, or 'Golden Ghost.' It would suit him."

'MM?' Sunstreaker mouthed in confusion. 'Baseball Bat? Golden Ghost?'

* * *

><p>"Right then, it's official! Welcome to the Poltergeists, Golden Ghost!"<p>

Sun raised a brow, crossing his arms. "Golden Ghost?"

"Yup, it's a codename! We all use them during October, it's lots of fun. I'm MM, or Mastermind. BB, the first one you talked to, is Baseball Bat. The spazzy one is CF, or Coffee Freak, and the grumpy one is MB, or Mama Bear," the self-proclaimed Mastermind declared cheerfully, ignoring BB and CF's laughter at MB's indignant snarl over the comm lines.

"I never agreed to that codename!" the grump snarled.

"Too bad, because it suits you perfectly! Now then, what mayhem prep do we still need to accomplish?"

* * *

><p>Sunstreaker couldn't help it. He burst into laughter, quickly clapping a servo over his mouth in a desperate attempt to muffle the noise.<p>

Mastermind flapped a servo at him, having a hard time suppressing his own giggles as they hid in the trees to evade the patrol car.

But the irony was just too funny! Using their own security against them like that…it gave him so many ideas to use on Red Alert when he saw the mech next!

* * *

><p>"C-chimichangas."<p>

"Ooo, right, I forgot about that…but, wait…maybe…"

CF muttered incomprehensibly to himself in cybertronian. Sun was reluctantly impressed that they didn't need to say more than one word to each other to convey complex concepts.

"Oh, wait, CF! Chupacabra!"

"Ooo! A-and, taquito-!"

"Goat-!"

"N-neon-!"

"And cow bunny!"

"Y-YES! G-GENIUS!"

"MUA-HA-HA! THEY'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HIT THEM!"

Sun just kind of stared as Mastermind cackled evilly, rapidly creating some kind of virus involving zombie bunnies on his screen. "…right…"

* * *

><p>"And now…it begins."<p>

Sunstreaker grinned evilly alongside Mastermind as they stood in front of the screens at one of the mech's many hidden lairs.

"Mastermind to the Poltergeists, Operation: Prank the World…is a go. Let's kick their afts, team!"

**"Sir yes sir!"**

* * *

><p>Hallowe'en morning dawned (at 6 am, UTC London time)…and with it, the release of the Poltergeists' prank. After last year, in which the Poltergeists hit both Oceania and Antarctica at the same time (and succeeding in their goal of pranking all the continents), the entire world lived in fearanticipation of where and what they would strike next.

Unfortunately for the world, the internationally-wanted pranksters chose to hit…all of it.

* * *

><p>Baseball Bat, aka Judy Witwicky, hit the button to unleash the pumpkin catapults. Pumpkin bits, sparkly neon paint, bagged candy, and the traditional mocking letters hit the streets of every settlement in the world with a population over 10,000.<p>

(Although they made an exception for the largest research station in Antarctica, just so they could say they hit every continent at once.)

* * *

><p>Mama Bear, aka Barricade, cackled madly as he hit the button to set off the airbags in almost every police andor law enforcement vehicle around the world. It had taken forever, and if MM hadn't needed so little recharge, they never would've been able to pull it off effectively. But they did…and the neon feathers, sparkles, tie-dye packets, and mocking notes packed into each one exploded everywhere.

* * *

><p>Coffee Freak, aka Fritz, laughed maniacally in his mind as he slipped around the U.N. Headquarters like a pro.<p>

In his wake, paint grenades repainted every room. Screens displayed in psychedelic colors, with the set language changing at random. Jack o' Lanterns were left everywhere, of all shapes, sizes, and designs. (Once more, Fritz blessed his subspace.) Chairs were replaced with giant, gaudy, over-stuffed monstrosities of armchairs. Various colored dyes were added to cleaning supplies, designed to only show up two hours after the cleaners were used.

And the U.N. chamber itself…was completely made over to look like it had been taken directly from the set of Tim Burton's 'The Nightmare Before Christmas.'

His work done, CF slipped out to go lock himself in a lair and cackle gleefully till he dropped.

* * *

><p>Mastermind, aka Marie Fixit Callahan, beamed proudly as she sent the virus. Now everything on the entire Internet would be displayed backwards, and only in shades of bright pink, green, and gold!<p>

Plus, little zombie bunnies would randomly pop up on pages all over the world for the next month to loudly sing 'God Bless My Underwear,' which had become the Poltergeists' unofficial theme song.

* * *

><p>Golden Ghost, aka Sunstreaker, just grinned with a wild look in his optics as he pressed the giant red button.<p>

Fireworks, planted in strategically hidden locations around the globe, went off and burst into the sky, displaying all sorts of traditional Hallowe'en-y imagery. Dragons danced around the Jack o' Lanterns, witches soared by on their brooms, skeletons tangoed with other monsters…and watching above them all, sat a winged white ghost on a throne of skulls: a Poltergeist, wearing a blue crown and a maniacal grin. Surrounding the Poltergeist were his minions: a silver ghost cradling coffee and a crazy grin; a gray ghost brandishing a baseball bat; a black-and-white ghost, scowling grumpily, leaning against a polar bear; and a smirking golden ghost, casually holding a silver sword against his shoulder.

Below the Poltergeists was a message:

'Twelve years in a row, and you still haven't caught us!

Better up your game, lads!

Have a Happy Hallowe'en!

-from your friendly neighborhood Poltergeists!'


	8. Happy Birthday! (repost)

Starscream and Knock Out Learn to Fear a Bored Fixit

or

Happy Birthday!

* * *

><p><em>Ah, Internet. How I love you so. I can find anything I need on you!<em>

* * *

><p>"Thank you, my good sir. Your assistance shall be well rewarded," Fixit said pompously as she took the materials she had ordered online from the Vehicon who had agreed to pick it up on his patrol.<p>

"Just…leave me out of it, please? Sir?" ST-3V3 asked timidly. He- and all the rest of the Vehicons- had a very healthy respect (aka fear) of the crazy Eradicon Medical Apprentice.

Fixit paused. "No promises, but I'll do my best. Ta-ta!"

* * *

><p>Fixit cackled quietly to herself as she slinked through the <em>Nemesis'<em> vents. After all the modifications Knock Out did to her frame, she was just barely small enough to fit, and abused this fact mercilessly. Soundwave was the only one who had figured out how she got around unseen, but was keeping it quiet in return for disruptions and distractions when he needed them. Frankly, Fixit thought she had gotten the better end of the deal- she had unofficial permission to prank the slag out of the crew!

* * *

><p>"Lessee…Creamer gets the pink and KO gets the orange…or is it the other way around?"<p>

Fixit frowned mentally at the colors in her servos. She couldn't remember who was supposed to get which…

Screw it, she was mixing them all! Neon pink, orange, green, purple, and yellow, all together now!

* * *

><p>"Was it up or down…? Or did I go right when I was supposed to go left?"<p>

The Eradicon's engine growled softly. All the slaggin' vents looked the same!

* * *

><p>"So that's the Spanish version of the song…hmm…"<p>

Fixit mentally tallied up how many different versions of the song she had. _English, Spanish, Russian, Italian, German- high and low- Afrikaans, Latin- so cool I found that one!- French, Romanian, Greek, Hawai'ian, Chinese, Japanese, Tibetan, Arabic, Indonesian, Mongolian, Turkish, Egyptian, Hebrew, Moroccan, Dutch, Norwegian, Icelandic, Inuit, Canadian (it is totally a different language, I don't care what anyone else says), Cybertronian…yeah, I think that's a pretty good range. They'll never know what hit them! MUAHAHAHA!_

* * *

><p><em>Yes…come to me, my pretty…come to mama…<em>

* * *

><p>Fixit clung to the rafters, ninja-style. <em>Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Batman!<em>

Below her, Breakdown and Knock Out continued talking, worrying about her absence the past three cycles. _Hurry up and leave already, I'm behind schedule and you're making me even later!_

* * *

><p><em>And now…it is time to strike.<em> Fixit began cackling manically, scaring the slag of the Vehicons walking past the closet she was hiding in. _I love alibis!_

Knock Out was abruptly jarred out of his recharge by a song blaring over the intercom at full fragging volume.

_"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you…"_

"What the frag?!"

* * *

><p>Starscream and Breakdown had been on top of the <em>Nemesis<em>, supervising the drones performing some basic repairs on damage they had incurred in the tropical storm just a little while ago, when the annoying Earth song began blaring over the speakers.

Breakdown winced, clapping his servos over his audios along with the Seeker. He watched as the SIC began to yell- although Breakdown could barely hear his own thoughts, so he definitely couldn't hear the other mech- and stalked off towards the entrance to the ship. Unfortunately, the Seeker didn't make it there before setting off one of Fixit's lovingly prepared booby traps.

Starscream was launched a couple of meters into the air as giant neon party balloons, streamers, and confetti exploded out from under him.

* * *

><p>Knock Out slipped and slid down the neon balloon-filled and well-oiled corridor. It was impossible to get anywhere, and to make matters worse, the oil was mixed with sage-green stain! It was ruining his paint job!<p>

* * *

><p>Starscream was going nuts. The slagging song had repeated in over <em>fifty different languages...and then went and started over from the beginning!<em>

He screeched in fury as his pedes went out from under him again, coating him in oil and pink stain. Whatever slagger had done this had used a different color stain for each fragging corridor!

* * *

><p>Knock Out slid through the intersection and accidentally crashed into his fellow officers, each one coming from a different direction. They groaned in unison.<p>

"When I get my claws on the fragger that did this-!" Starscream snarled, looking quite ridiculous dyed pink, green, and highlighter yellow with streamers and popped balloons all over him.

"Not if I get to them first," Knock Out rumbled, looking rather dangerous deranged with his left optic twitching like that. He too was tie-dyed and covered in party accoutrements.

"I don't care if I get to them before or after you- I'm going to smash them into a pulp either way," Breakdown vowed, the multi-colored party mech popping a neon purple balloon in his fist threateningly.

* * *

><p>At the energon mine, Fixit paused. Soundwave glanced at her in mild interest.<p>

"My death threat senses are tingling," she explained matter-of-factly, tapping her chin thoughtfully and ignoring Soundwave's completely blank yet simultaneously incredulous gaze. "I wonder why…after all, I have been here for the past twelve cycles."

_And I have…because I finished setting up the prank _seventeen _cycles ago. They'll never believe it's been in place for that long without being triggered, which effectively leaves me with an alibi! Booyah! Beat that, Knock Out!_

* * *

><p><em>AN: Excerpt from __Fixit. (Chapter 18)_

_Set before the beginning of TF: Prime._


	9. Bell (repost)

Bell

"Oh Steeeve!"

ST-3V3 groaned as Fixit skipped over to him.

"What, are you not happy to see me?" she feigned hurt.

"…don't get me wrong, sir, I am very happy to have you back safe and sound. We all are. But…"

"But?"

"But I have the feeling you're going to manipulate me into getting you pranking supplies again."

"Moi? Manipulate you?"

"Yes. You."

"Eh, fair enough. So…"

He vented in exasperation. "What do you need sir?"

"That's a good Steve…" she patted him on the helm, causing him to glower at her. "Now, here's what I need…"

* * *

><p>"…sir?"<p>

"Yes Steve?" Fixit hummed cheerfully, sorting through her ill-gotten gains.

"Do I want to know what this is for?"

She paused and turned to look at him seriously. She put her servos on his shoulders and looked him straight in the optic. "Steve…"

"…yes?"

"You Don't Want To Know."

"…okay. Got it. I'll…just be going then."

"Probably for the best."

"Yep." He paused, looking back at her. "Sir?"

"Mm-hm?"

"It's good to have you back."

"…it's good to be back, Steve. Now flee in terror, you seriously don't want to get involved."

"I'm fleeing, I'm fleeing…"

* * *

><p>Fixit grinned, holding her creation up to the light.<p>

Now, time to be a suicidal idiot and prank Soundwave!

* * *

><p>Fixit buried her helm into Soundwave's chest as he recharged. So warm…<p>

She purred contentedly.

* * *

><p>Soundwave onlined to find his Eradicon gone. Checking his internal chronometer, he realized that she had to go back to work. He frowned mentally, disappointed he got so little time with her, but could hardly resent her for doing her duty. The Decepticons came first, after all. But still…<p>

He vented heavily, swinging his legs around to sit up…and froze as something jingled.

* * *

><p>"KO, you know I love you, right?"<p>

Knock Out rolled his optics. "Yes Fixit, you've mentioned that several times in the past breem. What did you do now?"

"What makes you think I did anything?"

"The only time you start telling everyone how much you love them is if you pulled a prank you expect massive retribution for. What did you do?"

Fixit shifted guiltily. "…um…"

Knock Out crossed his arms and turned to glare at his Apprentice. Ravage just watched in mild amusement from his new favorite pile.

"…let's just say that if I end up getting dragged off to die by an irate TIC, I probably deserve it?"

KO and Ravage gaped at her in shock. "…Fixit?" the red doctor asked faintly.

"…yes?"

He started rubbing his helm. "…please tell me you didn't prank Soundwave."

"…I didn't prank Soundwave?"

Knock Out groaned, covering his face with his servos and shaking his helm. "…I am so not covering for you."

"That's fine, I…didn't exactly expect to survive it anyways."

Ravage just continued to gape.

* * *

><p>Soundwave jingled through the halls, stalking towards medbay purposefully. The doors slid open, the occupants looking up.<p>

"What is it, Soundwave?" Megatron asked, turning away from his conversation with Knock Out and Dreadwing.

The TIC shook his helm briefly, causing the bell to jingle ominously and everyone to stare at him, before prowling towards the Eradicon attempting to become one with her desk.

He stopped right in front of her, looming, as she glanced up at him guiltily.

"Um…hi?" she asked sheepishly.

He crossed his arms and glared at her, ignoring Knock Out's half-horrified, half-amused strangled laughter behind him.

She winced. "Right, I'll just…remove that now…"

He glared silently at her as she did so, cringing all the while. When she had removed the bell, he plucked it from her servos and subspaced it. Then he grabbed her by the back of her neck, and started firmly dragging her towards the door.

The other officers just stared as the TIC hauled the Eradicon who had dared to prank him out of medbay.

"…Knock Out?" Dreadwing asked, still staring at the doors along with his Lord.

"…yes?" he asked faintly, face in his servos.

"…is your Apprentice suicidal?"

"…before I would've said no, but now…"

"Well," Megatron finally said. "I'm not sure I've ever seen Soundwave successfully pranked before. I rather doubt you'll be getting your Apprentice back, doctor."

Knock Out just groaned.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Excerpt from __Fixit._

_Set during Chapter 29._


	10. Queen (repost)

Queen

"_So, on top of everything else you want me to do…you want me to use Queen's music in a prank?"_

"_Well…yes. Please?"_

* * *

><p>Fixit and Lazerbeak cackled quietly together as they uploaded the program to the <em>Nemesis'<em> systems. It wasn't that big of a prank…but it would definitely annoy Creamer.

* * *

><p>Fixit was spinning on her stool, totally not listening as Knock Out whined to her about Shockwave stealing all his experiments.<p>

_And it should start in three, two, one…bingo! Now, all that's needed is for someone to come through the doors!_

She started bouncing slightly on her stool as she grinned evilly, faintly registering KO freeze in horror. He recognized that grin…the Eradicon only ever wore that one when she was about to pull a prank! Frag, they were all doomed!

* * *

><p>Soundwave walked onto the bridge to start his shift…and paused in his tracks as "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen started playing. Everyone froze, turning to look at the TIC.<p>

Ah. So this was what Fixit and Lazerbeak were doing earlier.

Soundwave was amused, but pretended to ignore the music as he moved to the console.

* * *

><p>Lord Megatron walked onto the bridge, and faltered as "Princes Of The Universe" by Queen started playing over the speakers.<p>

He glanced over at his TIC in inquiry, and was rewarded with an image of Fixit and Lazerbeak cackling together. He shook his helm, venting as he continued into the room.

At least it was only a song, and it only played once.

* * *

><p>Knock Out strode quickly onto the bridge, unnerved by being trapped in close proximity to a grinning Fixit for so long, and groaned in sudden realization as "Killer Queen" by Queen began playing.<p>

Megatron chuckled from where he was standing by Soundwave.

"As if it wasn't enough that "Another One Bites The Dust" plays every time a Vehicon comes into medbay…" he whined, moving over to report to his amused Lord.

All the bridge was stifling laughter, now. _Everyone_ knew of Fixit's exasperation with the Vehicons blowing themselves up all the time.

* * *

><p>Starscream stalked onto the bridge, preparing to scold Knock Out for not being in medbay…and stumbled slightly in shock as "Somebody To Love" by Queen began blaring out.<p>

"What the frag!?" he exclaimed, the entire bridge breaking out into laughter. "Stop laughing! Fraggit Fixit, I'm going to murder you!"

"It fits…so well!" Knock Out gasped, clinging to the edge of Soundwave's console as the TIC's shoulders shook.

Creamer just snarled at everyone.

* * *

><p>Down in his lab in the abandoned energon mine, Shockwave jumped as "I Want It All" by Queen thundered out of the speakers at max volume. The one-opticed mech winced, stomping over to the console to try and shut the music off…only to discover to his horror that he couldn't. Furthermore, the song was set to repeat!<p>

* * *

><p>He threw a tool across the room after at the fiftieth repeat, finally just resorting to destroying the fragging speakers. When he found the person responsible for this, he would use them as a subject for his next experiment with Syth En!<p>

* * *

><p>Soundwave walked down the hall to his office, where Fixit was currently hiding from Starscream and Knock Out's wrath. He opened the door and stepped through, locking it behind him…and then "You're My Best Friend" by Queen began playing softly.<p>

Fixit poked her helm out sheepishly from behind the desk. "Hi?" she said quietly, giving a tentative wave.

Soundwave pulled off his visor as he walked over to her, pulling her up into a gentle kiss. She relaxed into his arms as he embraced her, tenderly stroking her back and wings.

"…you're my best friend too, Fixit," he smirked softly, reaching up to caress her face. She shuttered her optics, leaning into his touch.

"…so it wasn't too cheesy, then. Good to know," she muttered as he pulled her helm down to rest against his neck, wrapping her arms tighter around his strong frame as they just basked in each other's presence.

Soundwave kissed the top of her helm affectionately as he continued stroking her back. "I missed your pranks. Even if this one was a little tamer than usual."

"Didn't want to piss off our Lord too badly," she murmured, starting to melt into a puddle of strutless goo under his ministrations.

"I don't think any of your pranks have done anything but amuse Lord Megatron…Fixit?" He craned his helm to look at her, face softening as he realized she was in recharge. The TIC cradled her gently as he moved, picking her up and moving to the door to take her back to his berth. She could recharge safely there while he worked, without him having to worry about Starscream and Knock Out attempting revenge.

"I love you," he whispered against her helm, giving his Eradicon one last kiss before replacing his visor and unlocking his door, stepping out into the halls.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Chapter 43 of __Fixit._


	11. The Macarena (repost)

The Macarena

"Sooooooo booooorrrrrred," Fixit whined, spinning on his stool. The mech had modified the seat to spin specifically to annoy Knockout, which amused Breakdown to no end. It was so entertaining to watch his partner and his Apprentice constantly try to one-up the other, whether it be through banter or pranks. Knockout had just successfully pulled off a prank (no one on the Nemesis would ever be able to look at whipped cream the same way ever again), so that meant it was Fixit's turn to pull a prank. And while KO might be pretty creative, he had nothing on Fixit. (Mentioning anything to do with the human tradition of Valentine's Day was forbidden. Everyone had enthusiastically approved that law- even Soundwave.)

"If you're that bored, go find something to entertain yourself wi- wait no, I didn't mean that!" Knockout cried in alarm, just realizing what he had said. But he was too late, Fixit was already out the door, an excited "whoo!" echoing back to them.

"…we're so slagged," Breakdown whispered in horror.

"What have I done!?" Knockout wailed.

* * *

><p>Fixit hadn't been seen in three cycles. By anyone.<p>

Now, normally a drone not being seen for a couple of cycles wasn't usually a cause for concern. But this was Fixit. And Fixit disappearing- with Knockout's (unintentional) permission to pull a prank!- was a Very Bad Thing. The entirety of the Nemesis was on edge.

Starscream and Knockout had been organizing search parties almost non-stop since Fixit had vanished to try and stop the Eradicon before he could initiate his (evil, horrible) plans. The Seeker had almost considered ordering Soundwave back from the mines ahead of schedule, but production had already been behind schedule even before Fixit vanished, so he resigned himself to leaving Soundwave at the mine. So resigned, Starscream and Knockout had promptly begun panicking in earnest because there was no way in the Pit that they would be able to catch Fixit without Soundwave's help.

Breakdown was sure that after the fact (way, way after), this prank would undoubtedly be amusing. Fixit had learned from the Valentine's Day Incident (more commonly known as "The-Heart-Which-Shall-Never-Be-Spoken-Of-Again") what things were funny and what was just traumatizing. Mostly. It was possible this would be another trauma to add to the list, which was why Starscream and Knockout were freaking so badly.

And as it turned out, they were right to panic. Exhausted from all the panicking, everyone finally went into recharge six cycles after Fixit had disappeared. After all, if he hadn't done anything by now, surely he wasn't going to anything?

Oh, how wrong they were.

When Breakdown onlined his optics at the beginning of the next cycle, he was greeted by the sight of bright orange. He reset his optics just to be sure they were working correctly. Yep, still bright orange. Rolling over, he poked Knockout awake.

"Mrrph…what, Breaks?" the red mech said sleepily.

"Fixit has struck."

Knockout lay there for a moment longer before he actually processed what Breakdown had said. The moment he realized, he shot up from the berth, his optics widening in horror at their surroundings.

* * *

><p>"Make it stop!" one of the Vehicons wailed, servos over its audios. Nobody heard him over the blaring disco music.<p>

Fixit had somehow managed to, in one cycle, without anyone catching him:

1. Paint the entirety of the Nemesis' interior bright neon orange.

2. Feed a virus into the ship that caused it to play human disco music non-stop.

3. Convert every floor on the Nemesis into a disco dance floor, complete with lights flashing in squares under their feet and a disco ball on every corner, so there wasn't one area not lit.

It was driving everyone out of their processors. The last time Breakdown had seen Starscream, the Seeker had been beating his helm against the wall repeatedly- in time with the music. Breakdown tactfully decided not to mention that little fact to the SIC.

Knockout was stalking the halls, revving his saw with a manic grin on his face. Breakdown trailed behind him, careful not to attract his attention, but ready to step in if the medic decided to randomly attack somebot.

And then suddenly, the music stopped. Everyone froze. Was it over? But alas, the music started up again…only this time, it was one song- on repeat. Knockout snarled in frustration as he vowed to offline his Apprentice the next time he saw him.

Breakdown twitched, also irritated. What the slag was a "Macarena?"

* * *

><p><em>AN: Excerpt from __Fixit (Chapter 9)._

_Set before the beginning of TF: Prime._


	12. Pink Ballerina Bunny

Pink Ballerina Bunny

Miles looked up as his mom came storming in. Barricade paused the game as they eyed the Eradicon warily.

"…Mom?"

She continued muttering obscene death threats. Apparently she didn't hear him.

"MOM!"

Fixit yelped, spinning to face them abruptly. Cade raised an incredulous brow. Usually the winged medic was much more aware of her surroundings than this.

"…oh, it's just you two. Okay…wait, no! Miles! Come and help me with something!"

The cruiser watched in mild bemusement as the Eradicon absconded with her son, taking off into the depths of the mountain.

…then he signed Miles out, unpaused the game, and went right on back to killing the Covenant.

* * *

><p>Miles sat on Fixit's desk, watching as she rummaged around her 'office.'<p>

"Hah! Found it!" the Eradicon cried triumphantly, holding up…what looked like an oversized sander.

The blond just stared.

"Right, so, Miles, apparently there is Con insignia on my wings. I want you to sand it off and then repaint the sanded area, please."

"…"

"…"

"…why not just do it yourself?"

Fixit glowered. Then she put the sander down and tried to reach the insignia Miles had only noticed when she pointed it out to him. Emphasis on tried, because she wasn't flexible enough to reach it, and just ended up spinning in little frustrated circles as she tried to touch the insignia, like a fat dog that couldn't bite its tail because its stomach was in the way. Only for her, it was her shoulders.

The blond had a hard time suppressing his laughter as he watched…but ended up bursting out laughing as his mom froze mid-spin to glare at him.

"Shut up," she scowled, flushing as she lowered her arms and picked the sander back up again.

Laughter.

"Miles…"

Hysterical laughter.

_"Miles!"_

He abruptly shut up with an intimidated squeak, clapping his hands over his mouth.

"Thank you. Now then, would you please get this slaggin' thing _off of me!?"_

"Ma'am yes ma'am!"

* * *

><p>Miles shut off the sander and wiped his brow. Finally, his mom's slaggin' insignia was gone!<p>

…which just left the paint.

He groaned softly at the thought of more work.

"Hey Mom, can I take a break before painting?" he asked tiredly, leaning against the oversized sander that was just barely small enough for him to lift.

No answer.

The blond frowned, moving so that he could see her faceplates. The Eradicon was completely engrossed in her current project, and utterly oblivious to everything around her.

…wait…utterly oblivious…

A massive grin slowly overtook Miles' face.

* * *

><p>"Scrap, scrap, beautiful scrap…" the blond sung softly to himself as he picked out pieces to shape.<p>

Ooo, that piece would work perfectly for the ears…

* * *

><p>"Let's see…definitely want the pink…but should it be the pearlescent or the sparkly paint? Decisions, decisions…"<p>

* * *

><p>Miles lowered the welding mask, evil grin firmly in place behind it as he lit the torch.<p>

Above and in front of him, Fixit worked on obliviously.

* * *

><p>Barricade looked up as a madly-cackling Miles came skipping into the room.<p>

"…I don't want to know, do I?" he asked slowly, eyeing the blond warily.

"No. No you don't," the boy replied cheerfully. "Plausible deniability and all that…"

"…"

"…"

"…running suddenly sounds like a very good idea…"

Miles snickered gleefully.

* * *

><p>Fixit stretched as she walked into the room, wings flicking behind her. "Hey CadeCade, hey Miles."<p>

"Hey Mom," the blond greeted absentmindedly, focused on getting as many headshots as possible.

Barricade glanced over at her and gave her a nod…and then he did a double take as she walked past him to the kitchen.

Fixit paused in the doorway as the cruiser burst out laughing. She glanced back at him over her shoulder, flicking her wing out of the way.

Strangely enough, this only made him laugh harder…and then she caught sight of her son's entirely too gleeful expression.

She narrowed her crimson optics at him. "What did you do?"

"Me?" he laid a hand on his chest, feigning innocence. It would've worked better if he was grinning like a maniac. "What makes you think I did anything?"

"Miles…" she said warningly, even as she went back over the day…and froze. The only time he had an opportunity to do something was-!

"Miles, what did you do to my wings!?" she yelped, craning her helm…

And a bright, sparkly pink bunny in a pearlescent pink tutu, in a classic ballerina pose, stared cheerfully up at her from her dark purple wings.

_**"MILES JONAS LANCASTER-CALLAHAN!"**_

Barricade and Miles were already out the door, having made a break for it the second the Eradicon took her optics off her son.

_**"GET BACK HERE AND LET ME MURDER YOU, BRATS!"**_

* * *

><p><em>AN: Set between chapters ten and eleven of __Guardian Devil._


End file.
